cabin fever & a little bit of despair

so last week was a pretty rough week in the barker household (hence the lack of blogging). lots of arguing between the boys. they were bored. mommy felt off & exhausted. we didn't see daddy much. it snowed & then the temps dropped to like 5 degrees so we didn't go ANYWHERE (well we left the house twice)! the days felt like the lasted forever & I was missing my guy. I was getting time in the Word & I was getting almost enough sleep, but I was so discouraged over the lack of joy in our home. I knew the Lord was near, I knew He hadn't forsaken me. the weight of my sin was heavy & I felt like my times in the Word weren't helping me change my perspective. it was a heavy, thick, exhausting week. at church on Sunday my soul was so encouraged by a word Gary Ricucci gave… He reminded us that when we were lost & had the greatest need & unaware, He met us & saved us. so too when we are in our sin & quite aware of it, will that same One come to us & meet us & work in us. He will not give up on us. He who died that I would have life will move me forward in my sanctification. He knows my need & He will complete the work that He started in me. 

don't despair friends. He is at work in us. our story is not over. we are not perfected. when we were yet sinners He died for us. & He comes to His children in our overwhelmed/sinful/despairing state & works. 

"and I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6

al

capturing them : week 2

jude- when he wants me to listen to something he says, "mommy, hear this."

sammy- "mommy, daddy is our best superhero."

amos- this little boy enjoys being noisy so much that even when he doesn't have something to say I'll catch him just walking around saying, "mommy. mommy. mommy." 

al

capturing them : week 1

jude- I ask him at least once a day how he's so big & he says, "because I like to."

sammy- "mommy, I like you & I really like my toys."

amos- this little boy has some moves! when he hears music & he thinks no one is watching he can break it down. 

al

a camping trip video

our camping adventure happened last summer & i've been wanting to do this since then… here it is FINALLY! so grateful for this trip we got to take up the east coast together! we're planning on going back this summer! enjoy!

al

a harvest festival

(our backyard, louisville, ky. october 2013)

we had a small harvest festival way back in october with the families that are in the sovereign grace pastor's college. we are so grateful to be going through this crazy season with these sweet people! we played some games, did come crafts, ate some food, roasted marshmallows & bobbed for apples. fun was had. :)

al

feeling more like myself

(december 2013. franklin, tn.)

so for the past 1 1/2-2 years i have not felt like myself. i've been exhausted, moody & in general not "me". i've never been an angry person, but goodness the way i've been feeling has brought out the sin of anger in me. i've been so impatient & short with my boys, having no grace for their sin. my sin towards them has grieved my heart & i know has grieved the Lord's. everyday i felt awful physically & i would act out of the way i was feeling. the Lord would bring conviction to my heart & i would ask the boys to forgive me. all that to say… i am so so grateful that by God's grace i found an amazing holistic practitioner & found out i have adrenal fatigue, which is caused by chronic stress (i think it's because of all the trials our family has been through that finally caught up with me)! so i've been taking a ton of herbal supplements, trying to get more sleep, eating well & staying away from as much stress as possible (which is quite laughable when your husband is in seminary & you are raising 3 boys;)). praise the Lord i'm feeling normal! i'm not exhausted! i feel happier & less stressed! God is so faithful! i know He had purposes in those physical trials, but i rejoice that they look like they're coming to an end! i'm sure my boys are happy to have "their mommy" back. ;) God is so good! He sustains! just wanted to share this bit of happy news! 2014 is going to be a great year & i won't be too tired to enjoy it!!!

al

happy new year!

hi sweet friends & followers! goodness me it's been 3 months since i posted last. not ok in my book, because i love love blogging! so life giving & good for my soul & mind & therefore good for my family. :) so if i did "new years resolutions" this would be it… to blog more (& read the huge stack of books that's been piling up in my room). but seriously, i hate that i haven't been able to write out what's going on in our little family & in my heart & share some photos. life has gotten super crazy with mike being in the pastor's college, jude starting school, burdees, our adoption, photography, etc etc etc. i know it's only going to get busier, but i would like to make blogging a priority! so here's to that, by God's grace! may i manage my time well so that i can do things that are life giving! hope your new year is happy!

al

lula moss

my super creative & artsy older sister is opening a flower business in brooklyn, new york! i had the privilege of capturing some of her work this summer. isn't she amazing?! she's pretty great! :) love you sister!

al

my sin exposed, what grace

(roanoke, va. july 2013)

there is sin in me. sin that i didn't know was there until our sweet amos came along. i fight anger, impatience & i lack grace for him on a daily basis. this sin has surprised me & worn me out. i fight it daily (by God's grace) & there are many days i don't. what grace that the Father brought this little one into our family to expose the sin in my heart that i didn't even know was there. for many reasons i rejoice that amos is my son, but i know i will be forever grateful that the Lord saw fit to sanctify my through his life. i deal with this sin daily & oh how i pray the Father would continue His work in me to make me more like Him quickly!

al

cowboys & indians celebration

sammy turned 3 a few weeks ago & we got to have a party the week after with some sweet friends & dear family. thank You Lord for this precious boy!

al

caring for ourselves is caring for our family

as a wife, mommy & homemaker i'm quite exhausted, my needs are neglected & i often don't feel like doing much at the end of the day (as i'm sure most of you can attest)! i've NEVER been a morning person! i grew up with my mom & younger brother & sister having to come in a force me out of bed each morning. i enjoy sleep. & i enjoy being up later at night. especially now with mike in school. he's gone all day & our 3 little ones take all of my attention during the day. so at night i usually want to stay up late to watch a tv show (so i don't have to use my brain) & spend time with mike. for years we've been in the bad habit of staying up way too late to catch up on our favorite show. then 6:30/7am rolls around & our boys are rested & ready to be up... but mommy & daddy ARE NOT & that makes for some rough days. the Lord has really convicted me of this sin lately. i am being selfish with my time & not honoring Him when i waste my nights. sure, there should be some time for watching a favorite show or movie, but not every night! ugh. embarrassing. with mike's crazy school schedule we decided to change our routine. i HAVE to be in bed, falling asleep, no later than 10pm. so once the boys are in bed at 8 i have from 8-10 to clean up the house, spend some time with mike & READ! this is really the only time i have during my day to read. then i HAVE to be up by 6 to get time in the Word, work out, shower, breakfast prep & be ready to face the day with my kiddos. it's been good to have this new discipline, hard, but good. this week had been an adjustment for all 5 of us. we got so used to being home with each other every day & the boys have been quite cranky & i have been quite impatient because of all of the change. but i'm so grateful for the grace & forgiveness & patience of my Father. please please watch this video by desiring God!

al

caroline eloise. 6 years.

(acadia national park, me. july 2013)

yesterday it was 6 years since our caroline eloise went home to be with our Savior. here's our story... mike & i were married in november of 2006 & in december we discovered we were going to be parents! we were excited & terrified & i was quite sick! i didn't feel like i was ready to be a mom & i was being selfish about the whole thing. (i'm so thankful the Lord gives us 9 months before the baby comes.) my pregnancy was great & we had no reason for concern. our caroline came 10 days past her due date & we were so ready to hold our girl! we were ready to be parents & see her grow. on september 15th i woke up with contractions & i labored for 10 hours. our midwife said it was a "textbook labor & delivery". our sweet girl's heart rate was perfect & strong through the whole 10 hours. i pushed for 2 hours & she was born. they picked her up & quickly realized she was not ok. her heart rate was down to 50 & then she was gone. they tried to resuscitate her, but she never took a breath. all she knew was the warmth & comfort of my womb. & in a second she went from being pushed out of that safety into her Creator's arms! He knows her better than we ever will! He made every part of her little body so well & i felt it growing in me. for 9 months i knew her. she kicked & flipped & we adored every move! daddy read to her every night. he would hold a little speaker to my belly & read her a story, talk to her & then pray for her. what a grace from God! that night was the hardest night of our lives. we felt the deepest sorrow & sadness we've ever known, our arms were empty & we ached to hold our caroline. we would wake up in the middle of the night & remember our reality & cry together till our eyes & voices hurt. we held each other tight & it was good to cling to the Lord together. He brought us together in a way we hadn't known & probably wouldn't have known were it not for this trial. we understood the fellowship of the body of Christ in a way that amazed us. what a rich blessing to have friends gather around us & stand with us in our grief. He is good to us! we are not meant to be alone in our loss & hurt & fear & mourning. we are not alone. we miss our girl & we will miss her until we see her in heaven where she will be worshipping the One who formed her & perfectly called her home. His plan is without fault. & though we've questioned & we are sad, we know He is good & He has good for us! we love talking about our girl & the hope we have in Christ... please don't hesitate to ask questions or send people our way who have also experienced loss. all for His glory alone. goodness, how would we make it through this apart from Him? read more about caroline here.

al

happily for us

(bar harbor, me. july 2013)

"Happily for us our happiness does not depend upon our understanding the providence of God: we are able to believe where we are not able to explain, and we are content to leave a thousand mysteries unsolved rather than tolerate a single doubt as to the wisdom and goodness of our heavenly Father. 

Is it not good for us to be nonplussed, and puzzled, and so forced to exercise faith? Would it be well for us to have all things so ordered that we ourselves could see the reason for every dispensation? 

Could the scheme of divine love be indeed supremely, infinitely, wise if we could measure it with our short line of reason? 

Ah, it is well to be cast out of our depth, and made to swim in the sweet waters of mighty love! We know that it is supremely blessed to be compelled to cease from self, to surrender both wish and judgment, and to lie passive in the hands of God." Charles Spurgeon 

al

3 years old

(roanoke, va. july 2013)

our sammy boy turned 3 two days ago. what a bittersweet thing... to raise our little ones & to see them growing & changing & learning, but how sad!!! i want him to be little forever! this little boy is a joy to our family! he's the cuddliest kid i've ever known! the way he talks is irresistible! & goodness he's feisty & stubborn. ;) oh may the Father draw sammy liam to Himself & be honored in & through his life always. may sammy be changed by our Lord's good gospel! this little one is a sinner & utterly depraved. there is nothing good in him. he desperately needs a Savior who paid the penalty for his sins! make it real to him, Lord & use his life to make it real to so many others!

al

thankful

(roanoke, va . july 2013)

someone recently pointed out to us that our boys were getting a long better. they weren't fighting as much & they were playing together really well. it's really good to have outside perspective on your life & you're current situation. whatever season we're in it can feel like it's "THE WORST THING EVER". it can feel like it's the craziest you're life has ever been & it will obviously always be like that. ;) but we thought about it... thought about where our boys were a few months ago & where they are now... & we rejoice in our Father's good good work! our boys are growing & maturing & we are seeing the fruit of our labor. praise the Lord for His grace. even in our own lives it is good to look at what He's brought us out of, the sin He's removed from our hearts & the continued work of His sanctification in us. i'm so thankful He doesn't leave us the way we are! 

al

*Sarah, you're the winner of the mon voir giveaway! leave me your email address below so i can get you the details! thanks to everyone who entered!*

His work

(roanoke, va. july 2013)

this task (these 3 sweet faces) is daunting! i feel the weight of the role i play in their lives daily & hour by hour. i'm often failing & when i fail i feel like i've failed them, like i'm going to "ruin" them because of my sin against them & against the Lord. but i was reminded again by a dear friend... 

"God is the One discipling our kids and we are just His tool." 

amen! He's using us! wow! what an amazing honor & calling. what a relief too. He is using us, but we are not in control! He is! He is teaching their souls through our sins & failings & through our strengths & love for them. He will make all things work together for their good, even their mommy's silliness & selfishness. He will teach them about the gospel through my sin & repentance. He is so good & it's good to see HIS work in them, not our work. His is so much better!

thank You for Your great grace, Lord!

al

happy "mon voir" giveaway!

hi pretty ladies! wanted to give you the chance to win something super sweet & lovely to hang on your walls! so my friend jenna of mon voir generously offered to give one of my readers a print of their choosing! jenna creates beautiful prints & designed my burdees logo! you're soooo talented jenna! here's how you can enter...

*leave a comment below with your favorite print in her etsy shop.

*share this on your facebook (with a comment below to let me know you did so).

*you can also enter on my instagram feed @albark (find details there). 

giveaway ends monday evening at 10pm est. winner will be chosen randomly.

al

*the winner is... Sarah! please leave your email address in the comments below so i can get your print to you!*

ps

burdees has a whole lot of earrings on sale for $5, $4 & $3! you can also use the coupon code "LABORDAY" for 10% off your order!

long/hard work

(roanoke, va. july 2013)

we are in a battle for our children's souls! we have to be faithful NOW! we have to nail their sin & not be lazy about it. we will answer to the Father for how we parented our little ones. are being diligent to disciple their hearts & teach them the truths of the Word? are we daily making the gospel clear to them? it's hard work & such a great responsibility. amazing that the Lord would choose us as parents to teach our sweet ones all they need to know. give us grace great God to remain faithful on this road!

al

i'm back!

friends!!!!!!!!!!!! hi hi hi friends!

oh i've missed being in this space & sharing my heart on this crazy journey! i've missed it & realized how much i need it & how good it is for my soul! our summer was full & busy & rich! the above picture was obviously not from this summer because we're all in coats & sweaters, but i found it as i was looking through pictures to send to our adoption agency for our baby girl!!!!! 

so here's a little update on us... my husband has been accepted to the sovereign grace pastors' college which he will start in september! we're sooooo excited AND he will get credit toward his degree at southern seminary! we're excited to see where the Lord leads!

we're about ready to start our homestudy for our baby girl & we're all so tired of waiting! we want our sweet girl here right now! 

my burdees shop is taking off & we're so blessed by it! we have some new styles coming to the shop soon & a giveaway happening this weekend! you can follow my shop on instagram @burdees.

jude started classical conversations today & he's getting wayyyyy toooooo big! 

thanks for sticking with me through my short summer break! how was your summer?? did you guys take any trips? can't wait to share some more of our summer adventures soon! love you ladies!

al

summertime adventures

taking sometime off from blogging to enjoy my family & explore together!

go love on your family & be outside!!! :)

al