in my weakness

there are days when i feel like i'm doing well, i'm showing grace to my family & showing them how much i love them... & then there are days that i'm completely FAILING at all of the above. i let a cloudy day, a juice fast (that i'm doing voluntarily), potty training, a sick little boy that needs to be held all day & is super fussy, a to do list that isn't getting completed & numerous other small insignificant things dictate my emotions! how ridiculous! & then i feel like i've messed everything up because i WAS doing well.
then, i get a moment alone & remember these truths...

"my flesh & my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart & my portion forever."
ps 73:26

& then i can breathe again. i remember that i am only human. that i WILL fail. but my gracious Father DOES NOT & never will fail! i am weak. 

"but he said to me, 'my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' therefore i will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. for the sake of Christ, then, i am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. for when i am weak, then i am strong." 2 cor 12:9-10

um, wow... "for the sake of Christ, then, i am content with weaknesses..." i'm never content with my weaknesses (obviously i'm going to strive for growth, etc). but in weaknesses Christ's power is resting on me so i should rejoice in that i can't hold everything together all the time. 

a quote from milton vincent's gospel primer... "consequently, God now has only love, compassion, & deepest affection for me, & this love is without any admixture of wrath whatsoever. God always looks upon me & treats me with gracious favor, always working all things together for my ultimate & eternal good. God's grace abounds to me even through trials. because i am a justified one, He subjugates every trial & forces it to do good unto me. when i sin, God's grace abounds to me all the more as He graciously maintains my justified status. when i sin, God feels no wrath in His heart against me. His heart is filled with nothing but love for me, & He longs for me to repent & confess my sins to Him, so that He might show me the gracious & forgiving love that has been in His heart all along." AMEN!

He is never disappointed with me. He uses these trials for my good. His grace abounds. amen! 

Father, keep my eyes fixed on You & eternal things. grow me in grace for my sweet boys. & show me how to see them the way you do... nothing but love, compassion & deepest affection for them... with no admixture of wrath.

*sigh*

al