i'm so weak...

"yesterday morning, the morning before, all these mornings, i wake to the discontent of life in my skin. i wake to self-hatred. to the wrestle to get it all done, the relentless anxiety that i am failing. always, the failing. i yell at children, fester with bitterness, forget doctor appointments, lose library books, live selfishly, skip prayer, complain, go to bed too late, neglect cleaning the toilets. i live tired. afraid. anxious. weary. years, i feel it in the veins, the pulsing of ruptured hopes. would i ever be enough, find enough, do enough?" -ann voskamp

i want so much to be all that my children need in a mommy. i want to be sanctified to look more like my Father. but what is my sanctification for? not to be perfect on this earth & to conquer my sin... because that will not happen. it is to bring Him more glory. to point to Him & His perfection & how worthy of praise He is. & that is exactly what my children need in a mommy. they don't need a perfect, spotless mommy. they need a mommy who is aware of & working through her sin, just as they are. an imperfect & contrite mommy that points them to Jesus in her imperfectness. 

showing them how desperately we need Him!

al